EFT targets


Risk Connection – Even Through Our Wounds

This morning on CBS Sunday morning, Naomie Harris, staring in the powerful movie Moonlight, was interviewed.  I found her reflective and very wise about risking connection.  She was referring to the characters in the movie, but she was also speaking to the human condition when she said, “We all move through our woundedness in search of connection.”

So often people tell me, “I can’t connect because I’m wounded.”  I passionately believe, however, that my wounds are the map on the road to connection.  My wounds do generate caution and armoring.  They also stimulate my awareness of longing and need.  The are a call to develop discernment and trust.  It is my woundedness that, ultimately, propels me to seek connection if I allow it.  It is a call to risk connection.

Consider the possibility that the knowledge that we’re not going to make it through life alone is a gift more than a burden.  Our fear of connection is fertile ground for tapping.

On Karate Chop point:

Even though I resist connecting because I’m afraid of getting hurt, I accept myself, even this part of me.

Even though reaching out can feel risky, and I’m not always sure it’s worth it, I’m open to having new insight.

Even though I feel caution, I’m open to hope because I need and deserve loving contact.

Move on to each of your tapping points.  Then, tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth about your fears and caution.  Don’t force.  Follow the trail of truth to the roots of your fears.  Notice what comes up.  You may find issues for future tapping.*  You may also find that you just work through the layers of old beliefs fueling present fears that are ready to be retired.    Possibly, invite awareness of spiritual connection.  Reaching out to feel Divine Presence and feeling safe in that connection  can often make us more brave to risk allowing human love to reach our hearts.  Keep tapping, mercifully.

*For a great resource to help if your tapping brings up lots of issues, click on the link below for my colleague, Dena Rosenbloom’s,  great workbook  Life After Trauma


logo dove0001“We all make mistakes.  It’s what happens why you try.”    Barack Obama

This is my favorite quote of a turbulent week.  It rises above all politics and prose.  It, for me, is simply the truth.  The first sentence of Mr. Obama’s statement is hardly news.  His opine on the fact that we all make mistakes, however, is the crux of the matter for me.  It’s what hit home.   The fly in the ointment.

There is a sometimes troublesome mathematics to life.  The more we do one thing, the more another thing is likely to happen.  Yes, if I’m trying all the time; attempting, experimenting, engaging, I’ll sometimes be failing, stumbling, miscalculating.

I guess the big question is, is it worth the mistakes in order to try?  Is there an aspect of trying that is a process of elimination and learning?  And can that be okay?  Can I live with that?  Can I weather those storms?  Do I want to?

When I think about the many many times in my life when I’ve felt parallelized, I also think about my fears – fears of being judged or criticized or misunderstood or just plain wrong. My hands are getting sweaty as I write this so I know it’s true.   Staying still so that I don’t make a mistake has it’s virtues.  If I don’t move, I can’t make a mistake.  I’m a fan of safety!

I’m also a fan of meaning and purpose, however, and I’m not of fan of boredom.  So the ultimate question seems to be, how do I manage the risks of trying?  Step one: I decide if it’s worth it.  Yes.  Step two: Do I have a plan if my trying heads south? Yup. I’ll breathe and tap and pray and trust and learn from my mistakes so I can adjust my course for next time.  Step three: When I make a mistake, I’m prepared to sometimes be parallelized while I build the courage to try again.  Thus, I know I’m not a bad person when I get stuck (at least most of the time :”).  I know I was brave enough to move.

Okay.  Good to go.  Onward if not always upward.  But onward with a heart that tries.

What’s the Real Problem?

So often people come to me with global problems – I’m anxious.  I don’t communicate well. I Just can’t get going, etc.  Those are big problems, but they’re also not very specific.  One of the many things I learned teaching Clinical Medicine at UCONN School of Medicine is the way medical students are taught to help patients get specific.  You have headaches?  Where exactly in your head?  Behind your eyes?  Is it the same in each eye?  Do you have any warning signs that a headache might be coming on?  Nausea?  Blurred vision?  Is there something you’re often doing before a headache comes on?   Does anything make your headaches worse like rainy days or eating strawberries?  Better?

I think you’re getting the idea.

What if you asked yourself the same kinds of questions regarding a fear, anxiety or resistance to something?  It’s one thing to say, I never get around to making the phone calls I should for my business.  It’s another thing to realize the first call is the hardest, and,  after that, it gets easier.  If I really just sit with myself for a minute and imagine making that first call in the morning, I can feel my stomach tighten.  If I tap and breathe on that tightness in my stomach, I begin to have awareness that I’m not sure I’m ready to make contact with the outside world yet.  Oh, wow,  I’m worried I’ll get overwhelmed.

Now we’ve got a clearly defined target.  Maybe it’s not as important to tap on “It’s hard to make phone calls” as “I’ve come to feel worried about connecting to the world” or “The world sometimes feels too big and I get overwhelmed.”   I think there’s a very good chance you’ll get farther with something specific rather than global.

So . . . play doctor.  Ask lots of questions, When? How? How much? How often?  Imagine the situation actually happening and follow sensations in your body.     Tap and breathe and see what you find out.  What thoughts come effortlessly to mind?  At what point in the imaging does something in your body get tight or numb or shaky?  Just seeing how something works can be a relief.  And, it gives you choices about where you go from there.  If you decided to tap on the specific concern, go for it, focusing on just the right feeling at just the right moment.

Experience finding your “trail of breadcrumbs” October 8th – The Taproot of Truth – Workshop and Retreat